I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
