I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
