direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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