The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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