New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
A bitchslap is in order.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize