when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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