I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
