I can feel you judging me through the phone.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
