remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
