the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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