I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
