I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
