it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
