I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize