I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
