Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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