'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
