absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
