Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
