I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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