the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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