so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
