I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
