i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
