Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize