Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
