so that wasnt chicken after all
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
