It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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