I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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