As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
