i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
