I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
