Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
