I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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