We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
