Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
