If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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