Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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