i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
is wine microwaveable?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
