shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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