I bet he comes in French.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
