So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
