your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
