I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
