There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
