Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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