At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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