Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
