He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
