Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
