She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
