After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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