Three words: puerto rican gang bang
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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