i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
