alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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