Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
