Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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