I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
