I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize