I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize