hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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