My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
