i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
