I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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