This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
