So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize