I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
