man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
