She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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